the two women of proverbs, part two

Tags

about me, attitudes, love, proverbs, relationships, women

If you had to be one, based on your past experiences, your decisions, your heart, which would you be: the crafty harlot or the virtuous wife?

I have been both. I learned early to seduce men, to lure them into whatever pleasures I desired and to feast off their pain. I think nowadays, that female manipulation is one of the first things our girls master. I see 13 year olds who brag about the things they can do to and the things they can get from a man. Their young minds don’t know that craftiness can kill a young boy’s heart.

My mother told me the other day, “you were raised to be a wife, not a wifey.” My mother was never idle. She was busy about the business of her family. She invested in my sister and I and showed us to be demure, to be ladies. This was no formal education, she led my example. She was purposeful and a woman who made my father look like a king. Her consistency and compassion made him a great man, I think. My dad is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but without a woman who had all the virtues of my mother, life would have been totally different for him.

One day, when I was in my early 20s, I grew tired of men who I used and manipulated. I got sick of the game. I got sick of the emotions of casual sex. And I decided to stop being crafty. I know how terribly mean a woman could be because I used to be a terribly mean woman. Now, I was no wanna be basketball wife, but I was emotionally using men…I was treating good ones like trash…and I was letting bad ones stay bad with no rebuke.

I grew up, partially, and started using my “powers” for good. All of us women have them. I started wanting more for the men I loved. I dated less and less. I believed those who dangled marriage in front of my face like a carrot, and gave them all my heart and all my virtues.

One thing I forgot to be is a wife. I forgot there is a formal and spiritual difference between being in love and being joined by God. I forgot that a wife uses her sincerity, her wisdom, her natural assets and her inner self for her husband. Not her boyfriend, or her “soul mate.” She upholds the values of the leader of her household. She makes him appear to be the king he is. Whoever he is, is magnified by her disposition. I forgot that thing I have is more rare than rubies…it aint for everybody. Only the one who wants to be the one.

How much would he, should he, could he have to give up to attain the jewelry of my heart? How much is my incredible discernment worth? What is the price tag for me to bottle up everything I have, and give it all, 100 percent to a man who will become a king once he receives it?

I don’t want to be responsible for the death of any man. I don’t want to kill any man’s heart, kill any man’s pride, contribute to the death of his marriage or his walk with God. I don’t want to distract him from his walk, because we need more men on the path.

I have been both crafty and virtuous. Now that I am single, everyday, I have to make a choice to be one or the other. All of us women do. How much of myself do I hold onto so that I don’t give away all this virtue and end up with nothing? And how do I interact with men now without being crafty?

the two women of proverbs, part 1

Tags

about me, attitudes, love, marriage, proverbs, relationships, sex, women

The Crafty Harlot
Proverbs 7:6-27
6 For at the window of my house I looked through my lattice, 7 And saw among the simple, I perceived among the youths, A young man devoid of understanding, 8 Passing along the street near her corner; And he took the path to her house 9 In the twilight, in the evening, In the black and dark night. 10 And there a woman met him, With the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart. 11 She was loud and rebellious, Her feet would not stay at home. 12 At times she was outside, at times in the open square, Lurking at every corner. 13 So she caught him and kissed him; With an impudent face she said to him: 14 “ I have peace offerings with me; Today I have paid my vows. 15 So I came out to meet you, Diligently to seek your face, And I have found you. 16 I have spread my bed with tapestry, Colored coverings of Egyptian linen. 17 I have perfumed my bed With myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; Let us delight ourselves with love. 19 For my husband is not at home; He has gone on a long journey; 20 He has taken a bag of money with him, And will come home on the appointed day.” 21 With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, With her flattering lips she seduced him. 22 Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, 23 Till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, He did not know it would cost his life. 24 Now therefore, listen to me, my children; Pay attention to the words of my mouth: 25 Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, Do not stray into her paths; 26 For she has cast down many wounded, And all who were slain by her were strong men. 27 Her house is the way to hell, Descending to the chambers of death.

The Virtuous Wife
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. 15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night. 19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle. 20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet. 22 She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants. 25 Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.

what i felt is past tense…

Tags

love, marriage, relationships, women

…and what i feel you just haven’t heard…about love, that is. weeks ago i wrote some musings on love, and though those thoughts are not all obsolete, a lot has certainly changed.

everytime i hear the song ex-factor by lauryn hill, and she mournfully sings, “tell me who i have to be, to get some reciprocity,” i shake my head. because i have an answer for that broken hearted woman that she doesn’t want to hear.

nobody owes you anything. there is no judge who decides that the time, money, emotions or effort gained or lost in our interpersonal relationships mean that someone should give us something. judge judy will never preside over matters of the heart. no one ever will or can. there is not justice in love. looking for reciprocity will surely challenge your sanity.

my dad told me once to only give money when you can afford to never get it back. i think love is the same way. imagine if we governed our lives, giving real, true, God-like love, and expecting nothing in return. that is surely radical….

no one owes you anything. there is no math equation that enumerates that time spent + tears wept / arguments lost x the amount of times you’ve been on a date=how long a relationship should be. people have the freedom to do whatever they feel. even marriages are disposable nowadays. the concept of forever is fading….

i don’t know if these concepts or ideas are fair, but they are real. i think a lot of women are out here thinking that their love is going fix things that it is not in your life to fix. love is a specific way of thinking and acting that God commands us to do for everyone. relationships involve growth, change and compromise. one does not equal the other.

a wise woman once told me that relationships take mature people. this includes all human relationships, not just romantic ones. it is required that we love everyone, but i don’t know if that means that we should have relationships from anyone…hmm, that’s something to explore for another day…

Is Chastity The Key To Sanity For Single Women??

Tags

God, loneliness, love, relationships, sex, women

Balancing Act: Practicing Chastity

Wednesday, January 19, 2011 | 1:15 PM

by Ivy Julease Newman, as told to S. Tia Brown

Let me get right to the point: I’m chaste. That means no sex, masturbation or even talking about hanky panky. For some this may sound extreme, but it works for me. Chastity has allowed me to find myself, and most importantly, to reconnect with my higher power.

Now, I’m no church mouse or theologian. I am woman who was lost, broken and sad. I firmly believe God led me to chastity to protect my sanity and save my spirit. It worked.

A few years ago I felt like I was freefalling down a bottomless pit. I was moving too fast. I was desperate for it to end. I was…dating in New York City. After graduating from Oberlin College’s Conservatory of Music, I made my way to the big city to study at Columbia University. Academically, I was ready; socially I was unprepared.

I’d spent my teens and twenties in cities with a Southern state of mind — that meant dating was traditional. Boy spots girl. Girl flirts with boy. Boy asks girl out. They decide to go steady. After a few weeks or months the “magic” happens. Sadly, at least for me, it seemed like sex was a prerequisite to get a date in New York City. And exclusivity? Puh-lease. Men were more likely to introduce me to their other “special friends.” I spent months hoping to find someone I connected with and who only wanted to be with me. Soon I understood too well why they say be careful what you wish for…

Read more: http://www.essence.com/lifestyle/balancing_act/balancing_act_practicing_chastity.php#ixzz1BVz38JML

Spiritual Massage Therapy

Tags

about me, attitudes, relationships, wisdom

He who walks with the wise grows wise,
but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 13:20

“you don’t wanna hear the truth, so imma lie to you, make it sound fly to you…”

Cee-lo

I was out of line the past week or so. Doing and thinking stuff I had no business doing and thinking. Trying to justify my slippery slope thinking for all sorts of reasons instead of calling it what it is. Luckily for me, my friends are not in the business of massage therapy. The listen to me, they comfort and calm me. But after all that, they tell me when I am wrong.

The hallmark of any good friend is a person who is brave enough to Biblically correct you when you are wrong. I am not perfect, and I know my friends aren’t either. We accept one another for the growing, changing people we are. A true friend will let you be the unique person you are. But they will not cease to correct you when you are wrong.

Some of us want massage therapy friends. We want ‘yes men or women’ around us to okay our foolishness and turn a blind eye to preventable mistakes. Some people thrive when a friend tells them the world is wrong and that wrong thinking is right. After a long talk with your friends, do you feel as relaxed and calm as a day at the spa? Or do you feel challenged to reexamine your thoughts and decisions? Proverbs 27:17 says, As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. In order for an iron to sharpen an iron, both object have to be tough! Have you been massaged by friends and family so long that you are wimpy and emotional? Or are you strong enough to help and be helped when needed?

A real friend will tell you that you are wrong, at the risk of your friendship to prevent you from making a life changing mistake. A real friend will respect your feelings, but edify your spirit with real solutions, not petty, stupid ones. A good litmus test for your friends is this: do they make your mind and body feel good, or do they make your spirit feel good? Do your friends give you advice and wisdom based on the Bible, or a Cosmo magazine?

We have a responsibility to choose wise people to be around. This isn’t to say we just discard are silly acting friends when we become saved. But are you an example of how to act, or are you just as silly as they are? When you know you are wrong, irrational or emotion, do you call someone who is going to massage your stupidity, or do you call that friend who will tell it like it is?

I used to try to act like I had it all together. And I hated when people tried to be all up in my business. But then I started to see that some people are not around you to see you grow, change or be a better person. Some people are just dead weight, there for the ride, purposely or accidentally causing drama.

Next time you need someone to talk to, don’t call your friends who will massage you into thinking everything is OK when you really need to take some spiritual action to change your situation. Be mature and let someone who cares about your spirit speak a Word over you that will activate change!

Think Like A Saint, Act Like A Lady

Tags

faith, how to, love, marriage, relationships, women, worship

Every woman wants the secret to getting a good man, who pays bills, has good credit, is strong, sexy and powerful. A man who is well respected in public and a compassionate king at home. Everybody’s chiming in on what women are doing wrong. Some books say to get over it, he’s just not that into you. Some say a woman needs to follow a set of rules. According to some of these books, you can get a man to marry you in less than three years, while thinking like a man and acting like a lady! Aren’t you confused? I read some of these books, and I can just say that theories like these are not absolute. They cause you to think that there is something wrong with you that only having a husband can fix. But once some of us get husbands, then what? Getting a man through tricks, and acting a certain way is good, but how do you even go about marriage?

Well ladies, today I am going to give you the secret of all secrets on how to be the woman that every good man desires! Ready for it?

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalms 37:4

What does that mean, delighting in the Lord? It means to take pleasures and make priority the things that God wants you to do. He knows that women want and need companionship. Some of us think our lives will be perfect when we get a husband. But deep down, we know our desires are sometimes more than that. How many of us want to travel the world, help children and young adults, love to paint, sew, draw and write, yet put all our energy into dating? How many of us sit on the couch, complaining about loneliness when we have family members we haven’t seen, friends we only Facebook and a Bible that is collecting dust in the corner. Delighting in what God says and doing for others is essential to unlocking a life that is abundant and full, not stagnant and desperate.

Men can find five star chicks, bad chicks and all sorts of women. Who knows a woman who enjoys doing God’s work, and in turn, is joyful and content? Who can find a woman like that? I think the quintessential woman “who has it all” in the Bible is the infamous Proverbs 31 woman. What is it about her that inspires so many and is it even possible to be that way in the 21st century?

The Virtuous Wife

Proverbs 31:10-31

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

This woman surely does a lot. Let’s see, she has a family, works outside of the home, takes care of needy people and the women who look up to her. She makes sure that her family is dressed well, she buys them good food and not garbage, she takes care of the home finances and she doesn’t sit around gossiping about other people. She is trustworthy, while her husband is out working the land. Nobody can say she is out acting crazy while he is at work. All of those attributes make her great, but what makes her most attractive to her husband is her fear of the Lord. I didn’t make that up, it’s in the Bible!

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:28-31

Many women are accomplished, goal-setting, hard working, homemakers. But a woman who delights in God is showered with respect, adoration and praise. You can do all kinds of things to get a man’s attention, but a man who knows God and is looking for a virtuous woman is looking for a Proverbs 31 lady. This lady enjoys her own business, and blessing the people she loves. She enjoys the wisdom of God and fears Him. In return, people (including her husband) love her. And when it comes down to it, we are all looking for love. People are drawn the the light of God, and when we exude that we attract the love of so many. In return for being a believer who follow His direction, God gives us the things that we really want in our hearts. Isn’t that a more beautiful and simple concept? Isn’t that a more desirable outcome, instead of trying to think like Steve Harvey? Seek to think like God instead!

Me, Myself & I

Tags

about me, Lot's daughters, relationships, sex, women, worry

My Myself & I...not the trio we should be relying on

The song Me Myself & I by Beyonce used to be a mantra of mine. As I was coming out of my silly days as a college student and being more picky with the men I shared my time with, I heard this song and wrapped my mind around the strong idea that my newfound standards in men might just leave me single for life. In the song, Beyonce somberly sings, “I know that I will never disappoint myself,” and beckons for her legion of single ladies to deal during the man drought that awaits a girl in her mid to late 20s.

Solitude and isolation are states that many of us ladies are far too familiar with. In my dating droughts, it seemed that I was OK. I had a good job, bought a home and a bright future. Though I had learned to be a little more discriminate than I was in my early 20s, my loneliness was still causing me to make bad decisions. I was still giving the wrong parts of my self to the wrong people. In turn, I was subjecting myself to long bouts of isolation and solitude, disguising it as “working on me.” This vicious cycle ended, by the grace of God, when I began to learn that life by myself is not what God wants from me. He wants us all to have healthy, solid relationships. He wants us to be fulfilled, and not lonely. He cares that we cry alone at night sometimes. Having a boyfriend didn’t solve that feeling, but loving God sure did.

It is becoming glamorous to be single and emotion-less. If you watch 106 & Park on BET, you will notice that many female artists are adopting the pimpish lifestyle that men adopted. They are having random sex, without feeling (so they think) and not even expecting to have a meaningful relationship with a man. I tried the Sex & The City dating lifestyle for a while, and let me tell you, thinking that you can date around with no emotional and physical repercussions is a lie. No matter how hard core and heartless you think you are, the heart doesn’t lie. Once your body is involved with another’s body, it is like a string attaches you to them forever.

So what does the Bible say about singleness, desperate and lonely women? Lot’s daughters are two women who panicked during a perceived man drought and made a bad decision. After being delivered from Sodom and Gomorrah, a place full of sin, they noticed that they were the only ones left. “One day the older daughter said to the younger, ‘Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father’”(Genesis 19:31-32). Okay, so you may not have resorted to sleeping with your dad, but ladies, how many of us have been delivered from being in a terrible state, yet still believes that God will not take care of you? Many ladies today are coming up with all kinds of theories about dating: they want to be cougars, they want to only date men who make a certain amount of money, they only want men with a degree, they want to be lesbian or bisexual, they only call a man back after 10 days, etc. These theories that women are coming up with are causing us to do stupid and silly things out of desperation and not out of God’s will.

Imagine what Lot’s daughters had been through. They lived in a wicked, sexually immoral society (some of us can say we live there too), God just destroyed city in a horrific way by setting it on fire, and their mother, who could not let go of their past, had just been turned into a pillar of salt; it looked like it was the end of the world for them! Was it out of line for them to think that there was a possibility that they would not be able to have children? No. What they did wrong was not learn to wait on God. These ladies were the descendants of Abraham and Sarah who (hello!) had children well into their 90s and 100s. Without the use of fertility drugs. Would God really bring them (or you) out of mess and not provide a way to continue on? Just because we can’t see the solution, it doesn’t mean there is no solution! Just because statistics say that the older a woman gets, the less likely she will get married and have kids, it doesn’t mean that you are destined to loneliness and isolation. Taking things into your own hands is certainly a way to end up unhappy.

So what is the repercussion of Lot’s daughters having these children, Moab and Benammi, with their father. Well, these children spawned tribes that become enemies of Israel. In fact, Deuteronomy 23:3 says,” No Ammonite or Moabite or any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the LORD, even down to the tenth generation.” The descendants of these children were not allowed to fraternize with the Israelites for 10 generations. We know that these kids were genetically mixed up. But think about emotionally and spiritually how mixed up they were due to the fact that their grandfather was their dad? Now think how many children are all messed up because their parents brought themselves together, and not God.

What are the consequences and repercussions of us making our own decisions when it comes to dating? Do we make our own selves more miserable than necessary? Being single is so different than being lonely. I missed out on so much time with my extended family, my church, volunteering and being around young people who needed me, worrying about whether I’d have a man or not. We are excepting loneliness, instead of waiting on God to assign us to those who need us the most. I am afraid that these thinly-veiled songs celebrating singleness are really pushing women into more loneliness and isolation. Nothing, not even childbirth at the age of 90, is impossible for God. I am sure if you pray for God for people to fill your life, your home will be full!

9 Things That Don’t Make You A Good Christian

Tags

attitudes, faith, how to, Jesus, music, relationships, salvation, the church, wisdom, worship

Wearing a cross necklace doesn't make you a good Christian either...

Since I’ve started this new, wonderful relationship with God, I have noticed that people are trying to prove to me that they know God too! It’s kind of weird, because there are people who have misquoted the Bible in front of me or been accidentally blasphemous, trying to show me that they know the Bible just like me.

People should strive to explore God personally and corporately through a church where they belong and not try to compare their experiences to someone else’s. So I’ve come up with a list of things that people should examine to make sure that they are working toward having the most quality relationship with God that they can have for them, and not for other people.

1. Not accepting Jesus Christ as your savior

If you don’t understand and accept what Jesus did for us, then you are not a Christian. Accepting that Jesus died for our sins is the first requirement to being a Christian. You may attend church, and you might believe in a “higher power” but if you don’t know or understand the sacrifice, you should do everything you can to understand that first and foremost.

2. Forwarding “Christian” emails

We all get emails from people talking about a sick kid or someone who died tragically that makes you want to cry, then tells you to forward it on to eight people if you are a “real Christian” and some “miracle” will happen. For like 10 seconds I feel bad for not forwarding those things on, then I remember that we cannot treat God like he is a chain letter or pyramid scheme. If you want to share testimonies or information about God, that is great, just don’t put stipulations on it that make people uncomfortable.

3. Knowing the Word and not doing the Word

There are so many people who can quote the Bible, yet do not apply its wisdom to their life. Even the devil knows the Bible! He uses it to confuse us! Knowing the Bible verbatim is wonderful and shows that you study, but knowing it and not doing it is a futile practice. It shows that you can memorize. A thing that people often pray is that they want to “not just be hearers, but doers of the Word.” Praying that God will help you to apply what you hear is a blessing!

4. Having a stanky attitude

God wants you to be nice and be happy. Point blank. Not, nice when people are nice to you. Not happy when all your bills are paid and people are acting right. Galatians 5:22-23 says: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Going to church, reading the Bible, but being mean to your waiter or cashier is not what God wants you to do. Waking up everyday, being sad and pitying your self is not what God wants you to do. If you are unhappy or have an “attitude problem” seeking advice from the Bible, and asking God for help is the way to change.

5. Threatening people with the Bible

When people talk about homosexuality, abortion and politics, they often beat people over the head with the Bible. They will tell people they are going to hell if they are gay. They will quote Leviticus and tell them they are dammed. I know what they Bible says about sexual immorality, but teaching people with love reaches them before beating them over the head with the Bible. It takes more energy to actually get to know a person and understand why they do what they do, and I think that’s why people choose to just write others off.

6. Not having a real relationship with God

A relationship with God is personal. It’s not going to be the same thing your mom experiences, or your best friend knows. It will touch the most important and specific parts of your life. I have a friend who took years to find her artistic niche in molding and sculpting clay. One day, she told me she was reading Genesis and noticed how God was a ceramicist too. That is a personal, meaningful relationship. You establish that by asking God to reign over your life, putting everything on the line. You allow Him to use your gifts to say what He wants to say. And you thank Him for your life, and pray to Him to help you and others. So many people fake that to their own detriment, just to sound like a Christian in front of other Christians. Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 7:21)” I surely don’t want to be on the other side of that fence.

7. Worshiping other things than God

Imagine on Judgment Day that there is an account of all the money we’ve spent, the time we’ve spent doing everything we’ve done in our lives and what has moved us the most emotionally and intellectually. How much time, money and energy have you spent on knowing God versus knowing other things in life. Have you been more engrossed and involved in sports, music, career, TV, dating, drama, etc. than learning who God is? It is an emotional, intellectual and spiritual experience that takes a lifetime of learning. Are you dedicated to that or something else?

8. Listening to Gospel music

Gospel music may help you feel better, remind you of scriptures and can serve as an alternate form of entertainment, but do not base your relationship with God off of it. Music can help you to praise and worship God, but it should not be the only source of your Word and relationship with Him. You should be able to feel better, know scripture and worship God with and without an organ present or a Mary Mary CD. Gospel music definitely fills a gap, and helps us to praise and worship God, but it is only a tool and does not make you sanctified.

9. Being a Professional Sinner

Not wanting to change and not wanting God “all in your business” will lead to a life of professional sin. We all sin, so they doesn’t necessarily make bad. Recognizing your sin and changing your life makes you a person who really understand what God is all about.

Does Going to Church Make You A Christian?

Tags

Jesus, relationships, the church

When I’m looking over the statistics for the people who visit this blog, I can also see the search terms that bring people to my site. Many of them are interesting. One that seems to keep popping is, “Do I have to go to church to be saved,” or “can I be a Christian and not go to church” or some kind of variation of that. I thought I would touch on this today and try to answer this question to the best of my ability. Let’s just remember that my Bible knowledge is led by the Holy Spirit and not a degree or deep theological study, so if you have anything to add, please, please do so.

The first thing that comes to my mind when thinking about those inquiries is why do people not want to go to church? I know that the bad experiences that people have with other people in the church deter them from wanting to attend and more active in the church. Many people don’t want to deal with the drama that surrounds “church folks” so they just stay home. They might think watching church on TV or listening to Gospel music is enough to stay right in God’s eyes. Or they may have had a really bad experience with a church member and blame God. Trust and believe I have had some bad church experiences so I understand how one might question God for allowing His people to act stank. What people do, obviously, isn’t always what God wants.

God wants us to fellowship with one another. He wants us to gather together to help each other heal and so that we can work as on accord to spread the Gospel. We need people. And people are flawed and stupid inside of church and outside. So if we realized how important it is for us to be educated, edified and your talents and gifts to be discovered, then we would have a stronger mindset to stay involved in some sort of ministry.

God wants us, as unique individuals, to use what we have to glorify Him. He doesn’t want you to come to church and think the only way you can be effective is to be a preacher, teacher or a singer. If you like gardening, God wants to use you. Me, I like to write from a very personal perspective.  I also ‘tweet’ for my church, how unique is that! I KNOW God is using that to help Him further His cause. A church that can help you understand God more fluently can help you translate your gifts and talents into something that edifies.

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.

1 Corinthians 12:4-6

I believe, and would venture to say that God believes that He doesn’t want us to be trying to go at life all alone spiritually. I mean, there are people who need to be alone and need sabbaticals. And ultimately the relationship that you cultivate with God is a personal one. But Proverbs 27:17 says that “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” We need each other to perfect each other. How else are we supposed to perfect the principals of forgiveness, charity and love if we don’t practice them? Someone being a jerk and out of line is the perfect scenario to show God as a forgiver and redeemer.

Unless you are being a misfit and unruly, no one can tell you not to come to church. No one should make it uncomfortable for you to come to church. No one can tell you because you are a sinner, and you are working through problems that you shouldn’t be at church.

On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ²and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

1 Corinthians 12:22-26

It is important that you join a church that allows you to be you, that teaches you the Word correctly and diligently (and not a personal agenda or opinion) and that you know that people need you to be part of the body of Christ. Jesus tells us to love one, and how else are we supposed to do this? So to answer the question, what makes one Christian is believing in Jesus as your Lord and Savior. If you believe in what Jesus believes, than you will go to church and be active there. One must develop a Christian lifestyle and act out what they believe.

I would tell you to pray and ask God for a church and actively seek one out, just like you would look for a job. I’d also beg you to please, please, please don’t let people deter you from learning, growing and serving for God.

What About Your Friends?

Tags

about me, attitudes, discernment, happiness, Jesus, relationships

I used to kick it almost every night of the week. My friends and I used to drink and drive, act crazy in the club and were indiscriminate when it came to choosing mates (if you know what I mean). I spent the majority of my money on alcohol, club clothes, after the club food and couldn’t understand why even though I was single, sort of balling, why I was always broke. Not only was I misdirected and unwise, so were my friends at the time. I talk to some of them today, and they are nostalgic about those times, thinking that it was so much fun. Now that I know what real joy is, I look at those times as dark and depressing for me. I did all of this, by the way, after I was saved.

Over the past two years, people have told me I’ve acted funny. Or questioned why I have changed. I just tell them I am in a different part of my life right now. I felt like a zombie whore up in the club, squeezing into the tightest thing I could, drinking until I was unaccountable, hoping for a little love and attention. My friends, at the time, encouraged this lifestyle. Not because they were evil or out to destroy me. Because they just didn’t know either. I was the saved one, but was acting like I wasn’t. We all thought we were having fun too!

When we read in the Bible about being unequally yolked, most people think about marriage partners; one is saved and one isn’t. But being unequally yolked can affect any relationship or friendship. If you are married, hanging out with single people could be unhealthy to your marriage. A single person may not believe the same principals of marriage that a married person does. If you are in college, hanging with people who aren’t pursuing higher education can deter you from studying. A person who isn’t in school may have a different lifestyle that doesn’t involve intense studying. In my case, I was saving up to buy a house, working on my career and ultimately hoping to start a family. But I was hanging out in clubs and squandering my money and my self.  No parts of me looked like a person who loved Jesus. How are we to accomplish our goals when the company we keep is not a reflection of who we are or want to be?

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

2 Corinthians 6:14

Are your friends in the same place spiritually and emotionally that you are? Are you in the position to uplift them and vice versa, or are you all in the same sinking boat? What are you supposed to do when you realize that your friends are a reflection of everything bad about you, and not the good or potential in you? It was hard for me, because my friends were not bad people, we were just all lost. But the Bible tells us that we must separate ourselves from people who don’t believe the same things that we believe. When you are saved, God wants you to be set apart from the world. You are supposed to be different and unique. Many, many times, the ideas, lifestyles and thoughts of the world can be so attractive. A life of discipline can be boring, let’s not lie. So when I see married people hanging consistently with their single friends, or people who are trying to get their life right with God still kicking it hard, I KNOW that they are toeing the line of being lured back into a life they they are trying to get out of. I know, because it’s a struggle I have, and we all have.

“Therefore come out from them
and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you

2 Corinthians 6:17

I am learning the importance of aligning myself with people who have similar goals and lifestyles as mine, and also seeking people who are wise in areas that I am lacking so that we can edify one another. Many people said that Jesus hung out with people on the low end…the tax collectors, the whores and the sick. But he was with them to heal them, not to do what they did. He was there to save them, not to kick it with them! I am not mean or shady toward the people of my past because I hope that my new life will be an example of how God can change a person. You can’t change people by staying in the same place that they are. Somebody has to come out and show God off. Are you an example of being transformed to your friends, or are you just like them? Are you faithful enough to say no to a life that you know is destructive?