the two women of proverbs, part 1

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about me, attitudes, love, marriage, proverbs, relationships, sex, women

The Crafty Harlot
Proverbs 7:6-27
6 For at the window of my house I looked through my lattice, 7 And saw among the simple, I perceived among the youths, A young man devoid of understanding, 8 Passing along the street near her corner; And he took the path to her house 9 In the twilight, in the evening, In the black and dark night. 10 And there a woman met him, With the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart. 11 She was loud and rebellious, Her feet would not stay at home. 12 At times she was outside, at times in the open square, Lurking at every corner. 13 So she caught him and kissed him; With an impudent face she said to him: 14 “ I have peace offerings with me; Today I have paid my vows. 15 So I came out to meet you, Diligently to seek your face, And I have found you. 16 I have spread my bed with tapestry, Colored coverings of Egyptian linen. 17 I have perfumed my bed With myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; Let us delight ourselves with love. 19 For my husband is not at home; He has gone on a long journey; 20 He has taken a bag of money with him, And will come home on the appointed day.” 21 With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, With her flattering lips she seduced him. 22 Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, 23 Till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, He did not know it would cost his life. 24 Now therefore, listen to me, my children; Pay attention to the words of my mouth: 25 Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, Do not stray into her paths; 26 For she has cast down many wounded, And all who were slain by her were strong men. 27 Her house is the way to hell, Descending to the chambers of death.

The Virtuous Wife
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. 15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night. 19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle. 20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet. 22 She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants. 25 Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.

what i felt is past tense…

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love, marriage, relationships, women

…and what i feel you just haven’t heard…about love, that is. weeks ago i wrote some musings on love, and though those thoughts are not all obsolete, a lot has certainly changed.

everytime i hear the song ex-factor by lauryn hill, and she mournfully sings, “tell me who i have to be, to get some reciprocity,” i shake my head. because i have an answer for that broken hearted woman that she doesn’t want to hear.

nobody owes you anything. there is no judge who decides that the time, money, emotions or effort gained or lost in our interpersonal relationships mean that someone should give us something. judge judy will never preside over matters of the heart. no one ever will or can. there is not justice in love. looking for reciprocity will surely challenge your sanity.

my dad told me once to only give money when you can afford to never get it back. i think love is the same way. imagine if we governed our lives, giving real, true, God-like love, and expecting nothing in return. that is surely radical….

no one owes you anything. there is no math equation that enumerates that time spent + tears wept / arguments lost x the amount of times you’ve been on a date=how long a relationship should be. people have the freedom to do whatever they feel. even marriages are disposable nowadays. the concept of forever is fading….

i don’t know if these concepts or ideas are fair, but they are real. i think a lot of women are out here thinking that their love is going fix things that it is not in your life to fix. love is a specific way of thinking and acting that God commands us to do for everyone. relationships involve growth, change and compromise. one does not equal the other.

a wise woman once told me that relationships take mature people. this includes all human relationships, not just romantic ones. it is required that we love everyone, but i don’t know if that means that we should have relationships from anyone…hmm, that’s something to explore for another day…

Coretta Scott King: The Queen Beside The King

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love, marriage, MLK, women

I’m fulfilled in what I do… I never thought that a lot of money or fine clothes — the finer things of life — would make you happy. My concept of happiness is to be filled in a spiritual sense.

Coretta Scott King

Today is the celebration of Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday. His short life of only 39 years was dynamic and changed the world. But what about the woman who endured consistent nights and days alone, raising four children and living in the shadows of such a great man? What was life like for Coretta Scott King, a woman who had to kiss the cheek of one of the most important men in the world; a man who dealt with constant death threats, and allegations from the FBI that he was cheating while curing the nation of racism. Could the women who are being reared today be like Coretta?

Before she met MLK, Coretta was a singer and pianist who attended Antioch College in Yellow Springs, Ohio and the New England Conservatory in Boston. She was a well known and talented soprano, working toward a career in music when she met young Martin Luther King, who was pursuing his doctorate degree. She gave up her career in music to follow him and his goals in 1953. She moved to Georgia and began her life as a preacher’s wife and had four children between 1955 and 1963. She wanted a more vocal role in the civil rights movement, which was sweeping the nation; he wanted her at home taking care of the children.

After MLK was killed in 1968, she had no time to mourn; Coretta became the face of the civil rights movement. She penned a book called My Life With Martin Luther King Jr. in 1969. She remained vocal concerning women’s equal rights, the Vietnam War, poverty in America, apartheid in South Africa, LGBT rights and many other issues throughout her life. She received many awards and recognitions throughout her life, and fought for this day, to be a national holiday. The last 10 years of her life, she was a vegan and was vocal for animal rights. She died in 2006 from ovarian cancer at the age of 78.

When we think about the sacrifices of MLK today, let us also remember the woman who was not behind the infamous leader, but beside him. Though she lived longer than he, she did indeed sacrifice her life to follow her husband and change the world.

“I am indebted to my wife Coretta, without whose love, sacrifices, and loyalty neither life nor work would bring fulfillment. She has given me words of consolation when I needed them and a well-ordered home where Christian love is a reality.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

Think Like A Saint, Act Like A Lady

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faith, how to, love, marriage, relationships, women, worship

Every woman wants the secret to getting a good man, who pays bills, has good credit, is strong, sexy and powerful. A man who is well respected in public and a compassionate king at home. Everybody’s chiming in on what women are doing wrong. Some books say to get over it, he’s just not that into you. Some say a woman needs to follow a set of rules. According to some of these books, you can get a man to marry you in less than three years, while thinking like a man and acting like a lady! Aren’t you confused? I read some of these books, and I can just say that theories like these are not absolute. They cause you to think that there is something wrong with you that only having a husband can fix. But once some of us get husbands, then what? Getting a man through tricks, and acting a certain way is good, but how do you even go about marriage?

Well ladies, today I am going to give you the secret of all secrets on how to be the woman that every good man desires! Ready for it?

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalms 37:4

What does that mean, delighting in the Lord? It means to take pleasures and make priority the things that God wants you to do. He knows that women want and need companionship. Some of us think our lives will be perfect when we get a husband. But deep down, we know our desires are sometimes more than that. How many of us want to travel the world, help children and young adults, love to paint, sew, draw and write, yet put all our energy into dating? How many of us sit on the couch, complaining about loneliness when we have family members we haven’t seen, friends we only Facebook and a Bible that is collecting dust in the corner. Delighting in what God says and doing for others is essential to unlocking a life that is abundant and full, not stagnant and desperate.

Men can find five star chicks, bad chicks and all sorts of women. Who knows a woman who enjoys doing God’s work, and in turn, is joyful and content? Who can find a woman like that? I think the quintessential woman “who has it all” in the Bible is the infamous Proverbs 31 woman. What is it about her that inspires so many and is it even possible to be that way in the 21st century?

The Virtuous Wife

Proverbs 31:10-31

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

This woman surely does a lot. Let’s see, she has a family, works outside of the home, takes care of needy people and the women who look up to her. She makes sure that her family is dressed well, she buys them good food and not garbage, she takes care of the home finances and she doesn’t sit around gossiping about other people. She is trustworthy, while her husband is out working the land. Nobody can say she is out acting crazy while he is at work. All of those attributes make her great, but what makes her most attractive to her husband is her fear of the Lord. I didn’t make that up, it’s in the Bible!

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:28-31

Many women are accomplished, goal-setting, hard working, homemakers. But a woman who delights in God is showered with respect, adoration and praise. You can do all kinds of things to get a man’s attention, but a man who knows God and is looking for a virtuous woman is looking for a Proverbs 31 lady. This lady enjoys her own business, and blessing the people she loves. She enjoys the wisdom of God and fears Him. In return, people (including her husband) love her. And when it comes down to it, we are all looking for love. People are drawn the the light of God, and when we exude that we attract the love of so many. In return for being a believer who follow His direction, God gives us the things that we really want in our hearts. Isn’t that a more beautiful and simple concept? Isn’t that a more desirable outcome, instead of trying to think like Steve Harvey? Seek to think like God instead!

Who’s Praying For Our Men?

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marriage, men, relationships, sex, women

Ladies say it all the time: “once a cheater, always a cheater” and “all men are dogs.” A lot of men are branded as no good, low-down, cheating dogs from high school and are never delivered from their player ways. I think it is sad to see a man in his 20s and 30s juggling women and leaving a trail of broken hearts in the process. Even in the church, men are guilty of dating multiple women and being known as the “church player.” When women exhibit these promiscuous behaviors, it is automatically deemed a self esteem issue. Do you think men suffer through the same issues as women?

Women like to believe that men are inherently evil, and are preying innocent and sweet women to damage their hearts and minds. But I think men are falling to peer pressure and media stereotypes more than women! I just visited a middle school the other day, and the boys fell into two categories: the wannabe thugs with tattoos (yes! middle schoolers with ink!), dreds like Lil’ Wayne and all black everything like Jay-Z suggests, or they are pretty boys aiming at the developing bodies of the young girls. There was not one individual among the packs, though I noticed the girls were cliqued up, at least they had their own styles and identities.

Have we been ignoring the self esteem issues of Black men? I’m sure those same little boys who are scared to be themselves in middle school, turn into the jailed or bed hopping boys as they come into adulthood. Think about it: many men are pressured to lose their virginity as early as possible. I know men who had sex when they were 13, 12 and 11 years old! After I hear that, I tell them, “if you were a girl, that would be considered molestation.” Do these early sexual experiences for men effect their self esteem and self worth later in life?

With so much media hype about the single and successful Black woman and the lack of available “good” Black men around, I think we also must discuss why men are choosing not to settle down. There is a society of men that are being trained up to be players from youth, where it is from lack of fathers in the home, lack of education or the glorifying of multiple sexual partners in our media. Whatever it is, Black men have a lack right now. And what they need is more than a good woman to straighten them out.

I would suggest to ladies that if  you are approached by a man who you know is a player, that you ask him to pray with you. Don’t cast him off as a loser, just because you don’t see him as a potential mate. As a Christian, you are supposed to be a light and make it clear that you will not indulge in his player ways, but you will pray for him and suggest that he find some saved men to learn manhood from. Ask him if his lifestyle makes him happy, or makes him feel trapped. Invite him to church. You don’t have to sit with him, it’s not a date. Share with him scriptures in the Bible that pertain to men and their issues. I have been surprised to read so many Proverbs (Proverbs 6:20-35, Proverbs 7:1-27) that deal with cheating men and the way manipulative women attack them. Yes, the book of God says that men should feel attacked by us!

Psalms 1 also gives a clear description of what a good man is. Instead of having a list of all these silly things that you need in a man, tell a man that this is what you are looking for:

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

Psalms 1:1-3

Women have the power to do more for a man than just become his wife. We have the power to save our men from an unhappy life and an eternity in Hell. Men need women who are strong, sophisticated and also saved to tell them that they can have a mature relationship with a woman who loves the Lord first. Instead of being his lover, his wifey or his side chick, maybe God put you in the lives of certain men to be a living epistle. Ladies, if we don’t pray for our men and show them how God can change their lives for the better, who will?

Why Did I Get/ Didn’t Get Married?

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love, marriage, relationships, women

If you are a Black woman in America, chances are you are single. Chances are you will be single for the rest of your life. If you have read what the newspapers say and seen what the newsmagazines declare, you would think you are destined to a life of solitude, boredom and barreness.

It is tough being single and knowing all the statistics. I won’t revamp them here, but Black women aren’t unlike any other women on the planet. We want to be loved. We want to feel like the princesses we have grown up idolizing. Our knight and shining armour was supposed to sweep us off our feet and put up with our mess and have none of his own.

Genesis 3:16 says that because of the Original Sin of humans that a woman’s pain was multiplied in childbirth and that she will desire her husband and he will rule over her. So it is natural and our lot in life that we will want a man to take some sort of charge over us. We are taught to submit and be a homemaker and are also taught that there is something wrong with us if we are 30 and have no prospects.

But how many of us women knew at a young age that we had a calling in life that was different than our mothers and even our friends? How many of us knew at an early age that they had dreams and goals that were far different from being a mom and wife. There is nothing wrong with homemaking, but there is a need in our neighborhoods, our country and our world that requires more than just homemakers.

Ladies, Iknow it is hard, but before you:

1. Marry someone for security or because you were pressured by society that you should get married

2. Spend the next 10 years trying to find a man to get you pregnant or find a man t “start your life with”

3. End up changing who you are to have a man that you aren’t compatible with

I would charge you to search your heart. Matthew 6:33 says:

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;
and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Seek God through prayer, Bible study and church related events. God knows your needs and He also knows your calling. Your desire to be a mother may lead you to adopt. Your need for a family may lead you to care for a single mother down the street from you.

I think so many talented, sharp, beautiful women waste their time chasing after marriage, then regretting it when they get it. There are so many beautiful and wonderful ways to express your love and domestic abilities other than marriage. If it is for you, than God will fashion you with a mate. But if it is true that many in our generation will be single for their whole lives, then maybe God wants more of our time.