FaceBook Fasting

Tags

about me, facebook, gossip, worship

Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.

1 Timothy 5:13

I probably engage in FaceBook more than I do anything else in life. More than I sleep, more than I eat, surely more than I pray and read the Bible. More than I have real conversations with people face to face, I FaceBook. This social networking thing that has come into our lives in the past few years has totally replaced reality to many. There are folks that I don’t even recognize in person, yet we converse daily and I know their deepest thoughts and actions throughout the day. I know about the daily happenings of my FaceBook friends than I know about my Grandma. I might talk to her once every few weeks, yet I talk to Sally “IDoMe” Smith every day all day. It’s funny, but it is also counterproductive. FaceBook is a great way to interact with people you physically can’t see often, but it shouldn’t replace real person to person interaction. I know it has in my life.

My FaceBook friend had a great idea, in correlation to the release of The Social Media movie, he called for a FaceBook fast for the month of October so that we, his Facebook comrades, can actually go into the world and accomplish something with out faces not buried into our phones and laptops all day long. Can I, for a whole month, go without visiting a website? It sounds pretty silly when it is put like that. So much of my life is tied around a website, that didn’t even exist 10 years ago. It doesn’t aid in any of my vital activities, and even though it connects me to people, there is nobody I talk to on there that I can’t get in the car and see or pick up a phone and call.

I definitely feel that FaceBook has become as obsession of mine. I try to conserve each of my thoughts into tiny bite sized sentences, and am constantly condensing my life down into photos, quirky sayings, hoping that people will understand me. Then wondering why people don’t understand me! I am worshiping, explaining and proving myself to a world that is fake, first of all. This morning, as I confidently explained my fast to my coworkers, my hands automatically keyed the site into my Web browser. Without thinking, I was on FaceBook! The madness has got to end! We say we are on FaceBook to chat, and call in meaningless fun, but the Jesus says, “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. (Matthew 12:36)” That means every status update, every tweet, and every gossipy tidbit we type on the ‘net.

People fast for all sorts of reasons nowadays. People like to tell people they are fasting for clarity, fasting to lose weight, fasting just to see how long they can not eat or drink before they go back to doing the same thing again. In the Bible, people fasted for many reasons, for vary amount of days and from different things. I have learned that fasting itself has no spiritual value; God doesn’t count someone better or worse based on the fact that they fast. It is something intimate and personal someone does. Some people in the Bible fast for clarity and humbleness, some fast to intercede for others and some fast to repent for sin. There are a lot of resources on fasting, and I suggest that you read up on all the fasting that took place in the Bible.

I am hoping that by denying FaceBook in my life, I will have more time to spend with God by praying and studying. I hope to create more engaging and enriching relationships with my real friends in real life. I hope to be a better steward of my idle time, and not to be one of those people not basing every conversation and interaction in my real life off my cyber life. I don’t discount that God will become more powerful in my life as I deny this little website and seek Him.

What We Can Learn From The Eddie Long Scandal

Tags

Eddie Long, gossip, the church, TV

See, another one of those megachurch pastor/pimps has swindled the minds, souls and money of the weak Christians. That is what the media will lead some to believe when reading all the juicy details from the lawsuit brought against Bishop Eddie Long of 25,000-member New Birth Missionary Church outside of Atlanta. The media is having a field day as Long faces public humiliation. It is surely an outrageous situation! Certainly the world is looking at the church and judging us all for his actions. Anyone who tells you that you are weak because you choose to pray for this man instead of gossip about him is sorely mistaken. We don’t know and may never know the truth, but before you throw your opinion about Long into the public arena, here are some things to consider:

1. Don’t Judge

We don’t know what happened and we cannot assume just because the man is well known that he is shady. It’s not up to us to make that distinction. When someone has fallen short of their moral and spiritual platforms, Christians are supposed to come together to pray for that person not condemn them. Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” In this case, since all the facts of these allegations are not known until we knows the truth and after we know the truth, we should pray for those who are struggling right now. “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2)

2. Reflect On Your Own Secret Sin

Exposure is often a consequence of secret sin. Many times people ignore the signs and the voice of God that tells them to stop what they are doing, and think that worldly things like money, fame, prestige and status can prevent them from being outted for whatever sin they have. Lucky for us normal folks, when we are exposed it is not to the entire world. But having your family, closest friends and community find out what you do behind closed doors is just as devastating and embarrassing. This situation with Eddie Long should force us to look at our lives and our own secrets. What we think nobody knows, God surely knows. No matter how careful and clean you may be, everything comes to the light! “What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.” (Luke 12:3)

3. Own Up To Your Issues & Repent

Confessing to your sins and asking God to help you change will help you to avoid exposure and embarrassment. Sometimes we dig ourselves so deep in, we don’t see a way out. But telling God you need Him to change you will change you! “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)

4. Everyone Isn’t A Good Representative of Christ

Everybody that goes to church, reads the Bible and can quote scripture is a good Christian. This is because Christianity isn’t about being religious. It isn’t about how much you can do to prove that you are a good person. It is about a personal relationship that you develop between yourself and God through prayer, understanding (not just reading the Bible) and becoming more like Jesus. Don’t look to the media for good representations of Jesus’ followers. Ask God for mentors, fellowship with church members and even then understand that they have shortcomings. Personally, I have found more examples of good Christians in my church, and have yet to see a handful on TV. But that’s just me. “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ (Matthew 7:21-22)

5. The Devil Has No Power Over You

The devil cannot kill, steal or destroy your life without your permission. If you are saved, you are no longer under the control of the enemy. But temptation is a serious, serious thing that can end up separating us from God. So know your weaknesses, even after you repent and be mindful that you can fall victim to certain things. Be proactive when it comes to guarding your eyes, ears, tongue and thoughts from things that tempt you. And ask God for help when the temptation gets too tough! Don’t be afraid to speak the Word of God over your life, and don’t think you can dibble and dabble in things that can take a hold of you. “When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” (James 1:13-15)

Stoning The Sluts: Fantasia and Queen Latifah Face the Mob

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forgiveness, gossip, Jesus, sex, sin, women

Queen Latifah and her alleged boo

It’s easy to look down on somebody. Especially when you’ve been reading the Bible for a few months, and know how to shoo away a few problems using the Word. It’s easy to look at someone’s bad situation and conclude, “well, that’s what they get.” Fantasia is the current punching bag of the internet. The singer allegedly attempted suicide due to an affair with a married man that was exposed on the Web. There may even be a sex tape, and we all know media outlets would pay top dollar to embarrass the former American Idol. Even Queen Latifah, the beloved blockbuster movie star, is currently the victim of vicious rumors concerning her sexuality. Many think that these two women will surely lose their elite status in the hearts and wallets of Americans because they are doing wrong.

Suppose these rumors are true. What if Fantasia really is sleeping with a married man, and Miss Dana Owens is gay as the day is long? What kind of punishment, from their “fans” do they deserve? I remember hearing a Jill Scott concert, and she said, “I am smart, have high self esteem, nobody would suspect that I, too, fell in love with a married man.” If Fantasia can make that same mistake, what makes her so different from the rest of us? If Queen Latifah has indeed been hiding the sin of homosexuality, is she so different from us who hide gossiping, lying, cheating and stealing?

It feels good to stone the sluts in our lives. If we have to compare our sin to others, we always look more victorious. “I am just gossiping, covetous liar, but at least I’m not a cheater,” is the reality of how we think. So how do we deal with people who sin to the point of embarrassment, or live of life of sin with no desire to repent?

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

John 8:3-6

There is a story in the Bible about an adulteress woman, who is almost killed because she is discovered sinning. She could easily be Fantasia or Queen Latifah right now! She is caught cheating and a mob is ready to stone her because of her sin. The mob brings her before Jesus, and say, well, according the Law, we are supposed to stone her. So what should we do? Many times when people are exposed as sinners, the first people who want to ruin them are the religious folks! A person may approach a Christian and say, “you heard what happened to Jane, what you think about that?” You are being tested, just like Jesus was, to see how you will react. If you go on to verbally stone a sinner, you are wrong!

Jesus, being the amazing, logical man that He is, said to the mob, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 3:7) If any of us have never done anything where we deserved death, according to the Law, we can condemn others. But the man who is perfect on this Earth didn’t even condemn her!

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”"No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

John 8:9-11

Jesus saves us from our sins, when no one else will. Imagine that woman, a known slut, living in a city where the people tried to kill her. But Jesus Christ, the top, innovative thinker of the time, tells everyone she that she is not a slut. She is supposed to hold her head high and sin no more. That is her responsibility to do, after Jesus helps her.

Though Fantasia may be a sinner, she is hurting inside

So what can we do for these women, besides talk about them like we have never done anything bad in our lives? We can pray that someone ministers to them, and that they have the courage to pursue a changed life. It is not Christian-like or nice to stone people when they are exposed. Christians have the key to change and new life, and who are we to withhold that, and instead give hate? Having compassion toward people who need it the most is what Jesus would do. So we should do the same.

Married Boyfriends is the New Black

Tags

fornication, gossip, love, relationships, sex, women

Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats

The latest Hollywood accessory on the arms of many gorgeous, Black and successful celebrities ladies is not a new bag from Chanel or a gorgeous and gaudy new bracelet. Many ladies are sporting other women’s men. Married men, to be exact. It was shocking news to hear of the drama that Alicia Keys is a part of, as she is openly dating producer Swizz Beats, who left his pregnant wife to be pursued by the paparazzi with his mistress. This seems unsettling considering how “pro-woman” Ms. Keys is in her music, yet somehow she knows nothing about the institution of marriage. Gabrielle Union was recently sued by Mrs. Dwayne Wade, as she has been openly dating the married basketball player for more than a year. Supermodel Naomi Campbell was just on Oprah, beaming with her married millionaire beau and giving fans a tour of their life together in Russia. When Oprah asked the man was he married and he said yes, she then asked, “well, don’t you believe in divorce?” when he explained that he had been separated for 10 years from his wife. The audience laughed. Many gossip blogs look at the wives of Swizz Beats and Dwayne Wade as bitter. Many female commentors growl at the ladies asking, “when are they going to get on with their lives.”

Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union

Do women have a responsibility not to tempt men? Most women claim they are irresistible. Most women don’t care about what a man does when he isn’t with them. There’s a old school song that goes, “I don’t care about the other girls, just be good to me.” I know that there was a point in my life where I could pretty much get a man (single, married or otherwise) to do anything I wanted them to do. It wasn’t necessarily about being overly sexual. But once I began dating, it was clear that I had an advantage over men to talk them into doing whatever I wanted them to. I didn’t feel responsible for his lust toward me. I didn’t feel responsible for him breaking any vows, covenants or personal goals for himself. His problems he created dealing with me was his problems. If he didn’t comply, there were plenty of other men that would.

I have never had an affair with a married man (to my knowledge). But I have surely been involved in some love triangles, squares, pentagons, you name it! Some with my knowledge and some without. Of course this lying, sneaking and cheating has been going on for years. Adultery is certainly not new. But these ladies who are in a pedestal in our community are making it cool to be a harlot! I use the word harlot, because that is how the Bible refers to them.

I was flipping through Proverbs one day, and came across this scripture, that is called The Crafty Harlot in the New King James edition of my Bible:

To keep you from the evil woman,
From the flattering tongue of a seductress.
Do not lust after her beauty in your heart,
Nor let her allure you with her eyelids.
For by means of a harlot
A man is reduced to a crust of bread;
And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.
Can a man take fire to his bosom,
And his clothes not be burned?
Can one walk on hot coals,
And his feet not be seared?
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
Whoever touches her shall not be innocent.

Proverbs 6:24-29

How many of us are guilty of seducing a man who isn’t our own? How many of us brag when we have a man jumping through hoops for us, and ignoring his responsibilities. How many of us have scorched the lives of men and wrecked havoc mentally, spiritually and emotionally in someone else’s family? Some women see the Married Boyfriend trend as empowerment. ‘Men,’ many will rationalize, ‘have been doing this to women for years. It is about time we have our fun!’ Well, you are the type of woman that God warns men to stay away from! Does that change your perspective?

Naomi Campbell and Vladislav Doronin

The wounds of adultery can devastate relationships, self esteem and the lives of children. Adultery can bludgeon your character throughout your family, workplace and church. Two grounds for divorce mentioned in the Bible are adultery and abandonment. Many of us have suffered the stigma of being lied to and cheated on by men, even to the point of public humiliation. Now imagine if your man has left you for one of the most beautiful and successful women in the world! If we call men dogs for being lying, cheating, manipulative and aggressive toward women who aren’t their own, what do we call them women who do the same thing?

Empathy (how would I feel if I was his wife?), patience (all the good ones aren’t married), sisterly love (I can’t hurt another woman) and modesty (I don’t have to flaunt it to get attention) are all character traits that we as women must develop, especially when the media pounds into our heads how lonely and single we are. Though these women involved in these terrible dramas are beautiful and successful, we must not look to them as an example of how to approach the world of dating. We must think more highly of ourselves, other women, men, families and God to be involved in this kind of deceit.

Pray for the sanctity of marriage and monogamous, stable relationships. Pray that our men can stay strong and not give in to lusts. Pray for women to value themselves and not be led by the the emotions of loneliness, lust and envy. Of course, men need to do their part and not be on the lookout for Girlfriend or Wifey #2. But we have to do our part and say NO!

Learning To Control the Words We Speak

Tags

gossip, how to, Juanita Bynum

This is an excerpt I just found this in my Juanita Bynum Topical Bible about gossip and idle words:

1. Avoid speaking evil, useless and meaningless words

Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. Ephesians 5:4

Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, ²¹which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith. Grace be with you. 1 Timothy 6:20-21

Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. 2 Timothy 2:16

2. Evil words are destructive

Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

3. Don’t talk too much

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint,
and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

²⁸ Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent,
and discerning if he holds his tongue. Proverbs 17:27-28

Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37

4. A fool talks too much

A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards. Proverbs 29:11

5. You will be judged by the words you speak

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. ³⁷For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12:36-37

6. Think before you speak

Do not be quick with your mouth,
do not be hasty in your heart
to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven
and you are on earth,
so let your words be few. Ecclesiastes 5:2

7. Speak positive words

Listen, for I have worthy things to say;
I open my lips to speak what is right.

⁷ My mouth speaks what is true,
for my lips detest wickedness.

⁸ All the words of my mouth are just;
none of them is crooked or perverse. Proverbs 8:6-8

Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

8. Speak words of wisdom and integrity

For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. Luke 21:15

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. James 3:13

9. Speak the right words at the appropriate time

A word aptly spoken
is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Proverbs 25:11

The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue,
to know the word that sustains the weary.
He wakens me morning by morning,
wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. Isaiah 50:4

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

10. Speak knowledgeable words

Gold there is, and rubies in abundance,
but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel. Proverbs 20:15

My words come from an upright heart;
my lips sincerely speak what I know. Job 33:3

Notice how much scripture there is about the words we speak! These are just some of the scriptures from the topical Bible. Being in control of our mouths is pretty high on God’s priority I’d say!

iGossip

Tags

about me, gossip

My homegirls and I  go all the way hard on people. From their hair, to their clothes to their shoes…and don’t let them say something crazy. Sometimes when I hear about a breakup, or a makeup, I almost burst and can’t wait to tell somebody. It is somewhat of a ritual how we can get together and point out the smallest to the biggest discrepancies in a person and talk about them all night. I can even text about it the next day!

One time, my friend and I were talking about this girl, there was nothing wrong with her except that she chose not to sit with us (wonder why) and she overheard us! I was embarrassed for me, because I gave the impression that I was “being nice” to her the whole time. Now, she would think I was a gossiping, two faced, so and so…and I was.

Gossiping might be the easiest sin to commit. The dictionary defines gossip as:

light, familiar talk or writing; idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others.

It is so easy to engage in meaningless talk about others. Most of the media is filled with gossip, passed along as news. If you google the word, so much faux news and information pops up, it is ridiculous. But gossip is more than just talking bad about people; it is also talking mindless and meaninglessly about nothing important. Think of all of the random Facebook and Twitter messages we spout off everyday. Now how many of us are guilty of that?

The Bible tells us to be weary of idleness and troublemaking:

Proverbs 13:3 says:

He who guards his lips guards his life,
but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.

Proverbs 21:23 says:

He who guards his mouth and his tongue
keeps himself from calamity.

Gossip directly hurts people’s feelings,  and causes trouble between people. I know I have been the cause of many arguments and fights, just because I can’t keep my mouth shut. And how much trouble has been started in my life based on others who couldn’t keep my secrets safe? I can’t even count. There are some people whose whole social life revolves around idle talking and the passing of secrets.

I think the root of gossip is insecurity, jealousy and unhappiness. If I was talking bad about a girl who was too skinny, maybe it is because I wanted to lose a couple pounds. Or, if the word on the street is that a couple is going through bad times, focusing on them took the focus off my own issues.

No one who is truly happy has bad things to say about other people. Because real happiness is loving, forgiving and kind. Gossip is not a sport, it is truly a sin. But how do you overcome it?

The Bible tells us that we are supposed to approach each other and tell them face to face about our issues with them. The escalated three step process in Matthew is:

Matthew 18:15-17

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.

But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Do we even have the courage to talk to one another like that? Most of us do most of our disagreeing via text or social networking! But what about just random talk…how are you supposed to stop that, especially in the company of friends?

STOP! have the courage to tell your friends, family or whoever to confront the person they have an issue with in a loving way and that you don’t want to hear about it. If the chatter continues, then leave the area. Yes, you may look lame. But Maya Angelou will dismiss you from her home and her presence if you gossip or talk idly in her presence. The Bible also says that God is keeping an account of every word we say!

Matthew 12:36

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.

I am also learning to be quiet and not respond to people who like to talk with no aim. If someone asks me if there is something wrong, I simply say, no. It’s not a lie. I also have learned to compliment others heavily and talk about my day…my struggles and my triumphs. I will also ask others about what they are grateful for, and how they deal with struggles; not the just the details of their issues. It does lead to way more stimulating and important words than just nothingness.

Ephesians 4:29-32 says:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Life is too hard and people are so lost, we do not have one word to waste on gossip! So next time someone wants to talk about celebrities, coworkers, the chick down the street or someone’s wack hairdo, tell them no! I know I will be working on saying no too!