The Courage To Ask

Tags

change, faith, fornication, health

Sometimes it takes the most courage just to ask for clarity, for wisdom. Many people don’t want to know what areas of their life need change and cleaning. I have had a pretty hard week. It’s funny because I have been asking God for clarity and change, but it happened a lot faster than I was ready for. You can ask God for some money or a car, and He may or may not respond to you. But ask Him for wisdom, clarity, a clean heart or to reveal your faults to you, and He will show you those things quickly.

We all have a skeleton or two in a closet. We all have an area in our life that is so comfy cozy that we don’t even bring it to God. Because it is something we feel like we never want to change. We want God to turn around our finances, but don’t want to deal with our lack of money education. Maybe you want God to give you peace, yet you don’t want to turn loose an unstable friend. We have rationalized it in our mind, and have accepted it as one of our many flaws….because all humans have them right? God wants us to sweep out those closets, the ones we keep our MVSs (most valuable sins). There are those things in our lives that are easy to give up. I had no problem giving up certain types of music, but there are other areas that I honestly feel like God could never change in me. Can He ever deal with my trust issues, my issues with fornicating and lust, my abuse of my body through food and lack of exercise. These things may not mean anything to another person, but to me, everyday, as I continue to deal with them, I continue to feel terrible.

We just have to trust His process. Deliverance isn’t always nice or pretty. Change is rarely swift and clean. And clarity can be messy. But if we are to trust that the results will give us a more abundant life, then we should welcome it. I think repentance is so important in the salvation process because it is the hardest thing for us to do. I had to think about exactly how much of my sinful activities have I really turned away from since being saved? Though I have changed, I still got a lot of changing to do…

Have the courage to ask God this week to search your heart and make clear what needs to change. Ask Him to reveal your faults and give you the wisdom and faith to change. I think you will be surprised by what God requires of you…

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.

And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

 

Married Boyfriends is the New Black

Tags

fornication, gossip, love, relationships, sex, women

Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats

The latest Hollywood accessory on the arms of many gorgeous, Black and successful celebrities ladies is not a new bag from Chanel or a gorgeous and gaudy new bracelet. Many ladies are sporting other women’s men. Married men, to be exact. It was shocking news to hear of the drama that Alicia Keys is a part of, as she is openly dating producer Swizz Beats, who left his pregnant wife to be pursued by the paparazzi with his mistress. This seems unsettling considering how “pro-woman” Ms. Keys is in her music, yet somehow she knows nothing about the institution of marriage. Gabrielle Union was recently sued by Mrs. Dwayne Wade, as she has been openly dating the married basketball player for more than a year. Supermodel Naomi Campbell was just on Oprah, beaming with her married millionaire beau and giving fans a tour of their life together in Russia. When Oprah asked the man was he married and he said yes, she then asked, “well, don’t you believe in divorce?” when he explained that he had been separated for 10 years from his wife. The audience laughed. Many gossip blogs look at the wives of Swizz Beats and Dwayne Wade as bitter. Many female commentors growl at the ladies asking, “when are they going to get on with their lives.”

Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union

Do women have a responsibility not to tempt men? Most women claim they are irresistible. Most women don’t care about what a man does when he isn’t with them. There’s a old school song that goes, “I don’t care about the other girls, just be good to me.” I know that there was a point in my life where I could pretty much get a man (single, married or otherwise) to do anything I wanted them to do. It wasn’t necessarily about being overly sexual. But once I began dating, it was clear that I had an advantage over men to talk them into doing whatever I wanted them to. I didn’t feel responsible for his lust toward me. I didn’t feel responsible for him breaking any vows, covenants or personal goals for himself. His problems he created dealing with me was his problems. If he didn’t comply, there were plenty of other men that would.

I have never had an affair with a married man (to my knowledge). But I have surely been involved in some love triangles, squares, pentagons, you name it! Some with my knowledge and some without. Of course this lying, sneaking and cheating has been going on for years. Adultery is certainly not new. But these ladies who are in a pedestal in our community are making it cool to be a harlot! I use the word harlot, because that is how the Bible refers to them.

I was flipping through Proverbs one day, and came across this scripture, that is called The Crafty Harlot in the New King James edition of my Bible:

To keep you from the evil woman,
From the flattering tongue of a seductress.
Do not lust after her beauty in your heart,
Nor let her allure you with her eyelids.
For by means of a harlot
A man is reduced to a crust of bread;
And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.
Can a man take fire to his bosom,
And his clothes not be burned?
Can one walk on hot coals,
And his feet not be seared?
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
Whoever touches her shall not be innocent.

Proverbs 6:24-29

How many of us are guilty of seducing a man who isn’t our own? How many of us brag when we have a man jumping through hoops for us, and ignoring his responsibilities. How many of us have scorched the lives of men and wrecked havoc mentally, spiritually and emotionally in someone else’s family? Some women see the Married Boyfriend trend as empowerment. ‘Men,’ many will rationalize, ‘have been doing this to women for years. It is about time we have our fun!’ Well, you are the type of woman that God warns men to stay away from! Does that change your perspective?

Naomi Campbell and Vladislav Doronin

The wounds of adultery can devastate relationships, self esteem and the lives of children. Adultery can bludgeon your character throughout your family, workplace and church. Two grounds for divorce mentioned in the Bible are adultery and abandonment. Many of us have suffered the stigma of being lied to and cheated on by men, even to the point of public humiliation. Now imagine if your man has left you for one of the most beautiful and successful women in the world! If we call men dogs for being lying, cheating, manipulative and aggressive toward women who aren’t their own, what do we call them women who do the same thing?

Empathy (how would I feel if I was his wife?), patience (all the good ones aren’t married), sisterly love (I can’t hurt another woman) and modesty (I don’t have to flaunt it to get attention) are all character traits that we as women must develop, especially when the media pounds into our heads how lonely and single we are. Though these women involved in these terrible dramas are beautiful and successful, we must not look to them as an example of how to approach the world of dating. We must think more highly of ourselves, other women, men, families and God to be involved in this kind of deceit.

Pray for the sanctity of marriage and monogamous, stable relationships. Pray that our men can stay strong and not give in to lusts. Pray for women to value themselves and not be led by the the emotions of loneliness, lust and envy. Of course, men need to do their part and not be on the lookout for Girlfriend or Wifey #2. But we have to do our part and say NO!

The “F” Word

Tags

fornication, Hell, love, relationships, sex

“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body;
but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you…?
therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
1 Corinthians 6:18-20

I had a dream the other day that I went to Hell.

I wasn’t in pain or physically tortured. I just remembered that I was being led in a maze and confused. I wondered around so long and was so confused I began to cry. I did the only thing I knew to do. I yelled to God, “Why am I here! What did I do.”

God’s voice boomed back at me saying, “You know what you did!”

I asked God did I lie, did I steal, did I sin use His name in vain. Over and over again He said no. Then He yelled back at me:

“You are a FORNICATOR and you didn’t repent.”

Even in my dream I was shocked. I know I am saved and working through a lot of my issues. Since the beginning of the year, I can see myself as a new woman. But that “F” word has always been a touchy subject to me.

Fornication is defined as consensual sex between two unmarried adults. It may be one of the sins that we take least seriously. I can safely say that most of the people I know are unapologetic fornicators. Many of us were born into the heart of the Sexual Revolution, and see nothing wrong with testing out lovers before marriage, if we ever get marriage.

Fornication is a sin, point blank. I thought back on my dream and started making sense of it. In my dream, I was in Hell for 15 years. I was in a state of confusion to the point of tears. If we are honest with ourselves, isn’t that the way sex before marriage makes us feel? Doesn’t it cause us to wander in confusion for years? Doesn’t it lead us to concentrate on things other than God and what He wants for us?

I think of all the time I have wasted “dating” and how I could have been so much further spiritually, financially and emotionally if I would have left that part of my life until later. Even now that I have met the man that I plan on marrying, I wished that I had something for him that was only for him. For once in my life, I feel cheapened for being experienced.

How do you deal with the “F” word? Have your ever tried to regain your viriginity? How do you stop fornicating once you have already started? Is this a sin that you are concerned with?